My Son Died Yesterday

Have you ever stopped to wonder just how close  - just how many seconds away - you or a loved one are from total and complete disaster? 

Specifically, I am talking about the disaster of death. The death of a loved one, a child, or even yourself? How often do you think about how different your world would be without that child or loved one? 


Perhaps I am strange because I think about these things often. Perhaps it's because I think I shouldn't be here and am very lucky to be here - I should be dead. I think this way because of past experiences and I often wonder what my purpose in life is.


I probably think about life and death more often than would be considered "healthy."


This might sound morbid, but I have a point to make to you, so bear with me: Have you ever stopped to appreciate how many times during the day that you or your child are just inches or seconds away from death? Really! Have you ever stopped to consider that accidents might be occurring all around us? The near miss, the "almosts" the "very lucky" near escapes? Some of these "missed" accidents should have happened but, by some miracle, large or small, didn't? 

I do think about these things a lot. In fact, I did just yesterday and I certainly didn't want to, nor did I expect to. I thought about it as we were having fun...


Yesterday, I saw my child's death not ten meters (yards) right in front of my face and there wasn't a thing I could do to stop it. He was dead on the spot. A truck hit him from behind and dragged his body 25 meters down the road under the tires...


Well, that's what could have happened. That's what did happen, excepting, by some twist of fate, by the grace of god, the truck was seconds past us and hurtling down the street. That's what I saw happening in my mind...


It was an ordinary Monday afternoon. We had just came home from school and my son wanted to ride his bike down to the river. He rarely rides his bike and I want him to enjoy sports and the outdoors more so I always encourage him to walk more and ride his bike more.

Yesterday was very close to being the last day we ever did this

Right now, though, it's the middle of winter here in Japan, and quite cold, so it seems strange that my son wants to suddenly ride his bike all the time. But, I didn't want to deny his wishes especially when I can't get him to ride enough.


We came home from school and bundled up in warm clothes and he put on his bicycle helmet and off we went. We usually ride down to Tamagawa river through a wonderful park trail that we call "the magic trail." We call it that because I haven't bothered to find out what the real name of the trail and park are.


It was a fun ride down to the end of the trail down by the river.


We headed back towards home. On the way back, we have to cross a busy street named "Tsutsumi Dori." This is a street that is cursed with quite heavy traffic. The speed limit is 40 kilometers per hour (about 24 mph) but, as drivers are wont to do, most people drive 50 to 60 kilometers per hour (between 30 ~ 40 mph). This doesn't sound too fast but trust me, in Japan roads are very narrow, and when a 8 ton truck rumbles by you not one meter (3 feet) from your head, you can feel their force and power. The trucks are there because there is a cement factory up the road so these large cement mixer trucks are often barrelling up the street to load up on cement there. 


It is a busy street and dangerous.


It is dangerous enough that there is a crosswalk, not far from the magic trail, that we use to cross that street. Seriously, folks I am one to not usually wait for green lights at crosswalks, but this street is so narrow, and the cars are going so fast, and there are so many side street tributaries that anyone really has to be careful when crossing this street. I always use the crosswalk to cross this particular street.


Usually, it's not the car that you see that is dangerous, it's the ones you don't see that are dangerous.

A rare photo of Tsutsumi Dori when there are no cars on it. Anyway, from this photo you can see that this is a narrow street and if a child jumps out onto it, and you are doing 40 mph, you can't stop in time.

I was walking behind my son as we were on the return trip. We had just come out of the magic trail and onto the side of Tsutsumi Dori. That's when it happened; not 80 meters (yards) before the red light that marks the crosswalk, my son on his small bike, abruptly made a very sharp right turn and started crossing the busy street! I couldn't believe my eyes.


My world stopped and began turning in slow motion. He entered the busy road without even a glance to his right rear where cars would be coming up, at great speeds, right behind him. Within a eighth of a second, he was 1/2 way into the lane. Even if a vehicle had seen him enter the lane, he did it so suddenly that they could have never stopped in time. I expected to hear screeching tires....


The sounds blurred. The seconds were going by as if they were minutes. I wanted to shout "Stop!" but I couldn't, he was already in the lane. I thought, "He's dead!" In slow motion, I looked behind me to my right, where I expected to see a truck or car slamming on their brakes... Never in time to stop... It would be impossible to stop.


That's when I saw what should have happened. The truck hitting my son from behind and hurtling him dozens of meters in the air and under the wheels of an oncoming vehicle... His life and the crying of my wife and her parents flashed in front of my eyes... The guilt... My fault.... 


But....... thank god....... there wasn't any vehicle there. The lane was clear.


As my son was nearing the middle line dividing the lanes... I looked towards the oncoming traffic lane and there was a motorcycle coming up at high speeds but the driver of the bike saw my son from a distance and slowed down.


I screamed!


.........


After the motorcycle passed, immediately, as fast as I could, I crossed the street and quite angrily began berating my son for crossing the street without even looking for cars... I was shouting at him furiously! He knew I was very angry and began crying. 


He crossed busy street on his bicycle without even looking! I was so angry that I could feel that I was losing control of myself. I wanted to slap him in the face but I only whacked him on the back - he was wearing a heavy jacket so it was light - but when I kicked him in the ass (literally) and kicked him pretty hard, he was bawling. I am ashamed to say that it was the third time in his life that I have ever spanked or struck him.

Japanese cement truck. See the narrow space on the right. Imagine this: The truck is doing 40. A kid abruptly turns a hard right a few feet in front of this truck. Is the truck going to be able to stop?

Last night, I was drained. I realized just how close I was to having my life turned upside down. I realized just how close I was to losing one of the big motivations and purposes in my life. I'm sure that, if he had been hit by a car, he'd have died or been permanently scarred or crippled for life.


How many seconds did we miss that one by? Two? Three?


If that had happened, I probably would have drank heavily last night and been totally useless for the next six months. I'd probably lose my job and want to kill myself. And all for what? Because of an accident that could have been avoided and because of carelessness.


Oh how close these things happen to all of us and our children everyday. I think we must all appreciate that fact. We must be thankful for the truly wonderful things we have.


This morning, I had a nice talk with my son. I told him that "Today is the first day of the rest of your life." I think he definitely understands just how lucky he was yesterday. 


I certainly do.


There are two morals to today's story. First: "Today is the first day of the rest of your life." I feel my son was given a chance (me too). Actually that's the second time something like that happened to him. The first time was when he was 4 or so, and, suddenly, without any warning, he dashed out and ran onto a busy road. I was furious then too and spanked him.


We cannot hold our children on leashes or in chains all their lives. We cannot be sure what fate awaits us or them. All we can know is that today is the first day of the rest of our lives. Let us all live for today and appreciate the things we have.


The second moral is this: Driver's remember that there are children around like my child, who, for some completely unexplained reason, will do things like jump out into traffic. If you hit one of these children, your life and the life of your family life could be ruined. 


Remember that speed limits are not targets. Slow down and drive carefully. 


If you have the time, do yourself a favor and watch this short video:

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The Best Christmas Present I've Ever Received - And You Can Give it Too!

Is it just me or are there any others who think the Christmas season in America (Japan too) has become an orgy of crass commercialism? Of course, that is a rhetorical question. I think most people do.

Christmas is no longer is it the heart-warming family get-together tradition of days long gone by. Christmas today has turned into a mad dash towards debt and poverty. It's not only debt and poverty concerning money and lifestyle, it is a poverty of the soul. One need only look at the news about "Black Friday" and the violence to see what Christmas in America has become. 


The only reason we celebrate Christmas at my house is that we have an 8-year-old. I could never be such a Grinch to deny a small boy Christmas.


Whatever happened to just getting together with family and friends and enjoying each others company? It's sad what has happened to the "Season to be jolly."


In that spirit though, I'd like to relate today about a great present I got when I was a kid... It is a present that I have received over and over these past 44 years. That was a wonderful present I received from a classmate of mine when I was a kid in Minnesota. His name was James Rudd and the present wasn't in a box. It was on his face and in his heart. Every time I see a box brightly wrapped as a present, I see Jim Rudd's face and that moment, the spirit of him, comes to visit me and I receive that wonderful gift yet again.


Even though I cannot transport my children into the past by use of a time machine, I want my children to know and experience the true joy of giving and receiving. Towards that end, I always try to relate to my kids the story of James Rudd.


When I was in forth grade, James Rudd, "Jim," wasn't really my good friend. He was a classmate. I am quite ashamed to admit that I think I wasn't very friendly to Jim because he was sometimes bullied by the other kids so, in order to make sure that they didn't bully me, I foolishly joined in in making fun of Jim. Jim was a down to earth dorky kind of kid that might remind you a lot of Opie Taylor from the Andy Griffith Show.

 Opie Taylor

In those days, at Christmas time, the kids in the classroom all shared in Christmas festivities by buying one present. The catch was that you didn't know who you were buying the present for! The rules were that each child could buy one gift of no more than two dollars. Each child would wrap the present and bring it to class and put it under the tree. When it came to the last day of school, before Christmas holiday, each child would draw a name out of a hat and receive the present from the person whose name they drew.


I was quite unhappy that I drew Jim Rudd's name because he wasn't "cool" and was kind of dorky (look who's talking!) I think I was so unhappy about that drawing that it showed up on my face for everyone to see.


When I went to the tree to grab the present Jim prepared, Jim came to sit in front of me at my desk. 


In those days, I was a World War II nut. I loved building plastic military models of planes, ships and tanks. Especially German tanks. I thought those were the coolest. Of course, in a class of 30 kids, with each kid buying one present to be selected at random by another child, there was no way to know what you were going to get.


To expect a King Tiger tank was probably setting myself up for a big letdown.


I got that letdown when I opened the present from Jim. It was a plastic model alright, but it was a plastic model of an old Spanish Galleon. I didn't like it at all. I am once again sad to admit that my disappointment probably greatly showed on my face even though I tried to hide it.

But then, after opening the plastic model, was when Jim Rudd gave me the present that he has been giving me every year since then. It was the present that has warmed my heart all these years. It is the story I have told my children repeatedly and am now sharing with you.


With disappointment on my face and sadness in my heart, after opening the present I looked straight into Jim eyes and he looked into mine. With the utmost sincerity and enthusiasm brimming over Jim smiled brightly to me and said, 


"Mike! I hope you like it!"


I could see from his eyes and his words that he meant it from the bottom of his soul. My heart melted and I thought, 


"Gee! What a really sweet, nice guy!"


Mere words on a paper could never express the way I felt at that time. Here was this incredibly sincere boy giving me a present (that he picked himself and thought was really cool) and was hoping that I would like it as much as he did.


He gave me something that he wanted! Not only that, he gave me sincerity, enthusiasm and a warm spirit of friendliness and a feeling that I will never forget until my dying day: With just one smile and six words, he gave me the true spirit of Christmas.


Jim Rudd, you gave me something that I have always remembered and I will never forget it. I recall it every year at every birthday party andChristmas and every gift-giving celebration. I wish I could give such a wonderful gift to someone someday.


I will cherish this memory all my life. And now, Jim, you allow me to share it with others. James Rudd, wherever you are, thank you so much sincerely from the bottom of my heart.... and Merry Christmas!

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Reminders of Why I Love Japan so Much

Sometimes we get snowed under with all the daily things going on.


There are many things on my mind this morning. For one, there is a parents and teachers meeting at my son's school today and I suspect (but hope not) that I will get asked many questions about the poor boy who passed away. I don't know anything more than I have already written. What more is there to know, anyway?


My mind and heart are heavy.

Jimbo's Japan

Though, through it all, god (or the giant electrode in the sky) sends me a message and reminds me of why I love Japan so much and why being here is such a wonderful thing and why right now is a great time to be alive.

See my friend's blog, "Jimbo's Japan": http://www.jimbosjapan.com/2011/09/tochigi-prefecture-2.html

Children at a festival

Beautiful shrine in Tochigi in spring

For much much more see Jimbo's Japan!

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Tsunami Repercussions and the Court Trials Begin (part two)

In yesterday's post I blogged about some parents who were suing a school for sending the children home by bus only to have those children die in the tsunami as their homes were on the coastline. In Tsunami Repercussions and the Court Trials Begin (part 1) I wrote that I think the parent's are trying to placate their own guilt and ignore their own responsibility for their children's deaths:

Had the earthquake hit an hour later or at dinner time or at night or early morning or some other time of the year, where would these kids have been? At home. At their parent's home that those parent's bought along the coastline... A coastline that was engulfed by a tsunami and destroyed... And not for the first time either.

The parents suing the school will not bring those children back... Nor will it placate their guilt and responsibility in this matter. 

School's need to stick by the book and not allow parent's to shirk their responsibility. Parents need to take a more holistic view on their children's safety.

In fact, today's parents depend on school for far too much so this is why we have so many problems with the family and complaint's about "today's youth".

The parent's might win this court case, but they won't win any money. They can't. Japanese law does not allow for "damages." If they did, it's one more step towards Japan becoming screwed up like the USA with court cases like this popping up everywhere. What I mean by that is people make bad decisions on life and do irresponsible things (like driving with a hot cup of coffee on their lap) and then suing someone else for their lack of common sense.

In the case above, the school does hold some responsibility... But I think the vast majority of the children's health and welfare responsibility is held by the parents. In fact, I think that this is painfully obvious an just plain common sense. 

It is a tragedy that so many children and parents have suffered, but to place blame and try to take money seems shallow to me. According to charities in Japan over 100,000 children have been displaced by this disaster. Who can blame another human for this story of suffering? 

"If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her." - John 8:7

Here is an experience that another parent told me about concerning their child's school. In that case, the school wasn't about to allow the children to leave even though the parent had arrived to take that child home!


In our first case, the school is being sued by the parents. The school may have shirked its duties. In the case I will relate to you from now, the school may have way overstepping its authority. Here's the details as told to me. What do you, dear reader, think?


Here's the story related to me by my friend:


"Thirty minutes or so after the big shock ended, I drove the car to pick up our child from school. The children had been evacuated to the school sports field  and the school wasn't allowing any of the children to leave until the "all clear" was issued.

Upon coming to the school gate, a guard man stopped me. He said that the children were not being allowed to leave just yet. 

Even as the guard tried to explain, I smiled at him and politely - but firmly - said that I was there to pickup my child and I walked forward in spite of his protestations. He waved to a young woman who worked in the school office. She quickly approached me and told me that the children weren’t being allowed to leave because the “all clear” has not been given yet. Once again, I firmly told her that I am the child’s father and that I have the right and responsibility to decide if it is all clear for my child or not.

She protested. “Where do you have to go that’s so important?” she asked.

It was none of her business but I replied anyway, “My child has after school lessons.”

She was shocked and insisted that the children must stay where they were. I didn’t get angry at her but responded, “Alright then, who then has the authority to give the permission for children to leave?”

She said that the headmaster of the school did. I then approached him. I said, “Mr. Smith (not his real name) I appreciate everything that you do and I appreciate that you are protecting the children. But now I am here and there is no one who has more responsibility for my child’s safety than I do. Now I must take my child home.”

He politely countered, “But the all clear has not been issued!”

“Who issues the all clear?” I asked.

I didn’t get a straight answer from him. I gathered that it was possible that this had not been well thought-out before and even he didn't have a clear answer to that question. They were "playing it by ear". 

All the while we were having this conversation, there were dozens of parents standing around awaiting directions as to what to do. Another teacher then approached and he and the headmaster explained to me that they couldn’t let the children leave because, if they did let some children leave, they would have no way of knowing which kids were gone and which kids were still under their care. 

I said it wasn’t my problem if they had an accounting system in place for this problem or not.

For one, whether the school has a system to account for these kids or not, is their problem, not mine. And to extrapolate from that then, because they don’t have said system, why are we being held hostage for lack of this sort of paperwork problem? It is the school’s responsibility to hold drills and to make arrangements like this. Not mine. I have made my arrangements at home. 

I thought that this situation was absurd. I am the father. I am there. I am responsible for my child’s safety. I have the right to decide everything. My authority exceeds theirs in every sense of the word.


Of course if the parent’s are not present to take the children home, the school must take responsibility. But once the parent arrives, the school must completely relinquish control over the child to the parent. The school's responsibility to the child can never override the parent's. If necessary, the school needs to prepare some sort of paperwork and chain of responsibility as to who has the right to remove the child from school premises such as grandparents, aunts and uncles, etc. They also need to implement the system so that proof of identity is required to take a child home in an emergency. If the school does not, the parent must arrange such with the school. 

As it was, the school quickly relented for me to take my child out of the school grounds. Upon going to the gate to leave, a young woman stopped me once again and asked for my child's name and class number so she could check a list and let us leave. Embarrassingly for her my child’s name was not listed on the computer print out she had. I told her the name. She wrote it down - incorrectly, I might add. 


Then she failed to ask for my name and ID and we walked out the gate. 

So much for not allowing children to leave because they "can’t keep track of which students have left and which have stayed."  

I explained the entire situation to my wife and child told them that if there ever was a very serious life-threatening situation that I would go to school and even if the school did not allow us to leave, we would find a way to escape. 


We were in Tokyo. The earthquake was nearly 250 kilometers away. We were most definitely not in a life-threatening situation in spite of how much people and the news sensationalize this crisis."


That's what this irate father told me about how his child's school handled the situation. 


Now, my take on this...


In the court case where the school allegedly shirked responsibility by sending children home too quickly and those children died in the tsunami: The children's homes were near the ocean. Is the school guilty of incompetence by sending the children home too soon? Yes. True, perhaps. But it is quite understandable in such a situation that the school would want to get the children back to their parent's custody as soon as possible.


For the school, this seems a "damned if you do, damned if you don't" situation.


In the second example: The school over stepped its authority and wasn't going to release a child into parental custody. In this second case, where the school wasn't going to surrender the child to the parent, had that child died or been injured, then I think the parent would have every right to sue the school and win. The school's reasoning that they are responsible for the child's well-being even after the parent arrives to receive the child is confused policy and out and out wrong in every possible sense.


Seth Godin had a good comment about this on a recent blog. He wrote:

Of course, the hard-working folks doing the detaining feel like they're doing their job. It's easy to measure. It's in the manual. It feels like progress. It's actually a cargo cult, though, the sort of thing an organization does to simulate progress when it's actually distracting itself from the mission at hand.

Fear can be used as a tactic, but it's almost never the end goal of marketing. The problem with using it as a tactic is that it's so easy to do, organizations almost always forget the real point of the exercise.

Absolutely right; "...organizations almost always forget the real point of the exercise." 


The question is: "What is the real point of the exercise?" "What is the point of taking the children to an evacuation area while at school?"


The answer is: "To protect them until they can be delivered into the safety of the parent's custody."

School's should never forget the ultimate purpose of their emergency drills and services. The parent's right are always top priority. Following the rules until the parents relieve the school's of the responsibility of caring for the children is the goal. 


That should never be forgotten. Any other result opens the schools up for being sued in court. Any smart administrator would be wise to consider these cases.

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Tsunami Repercussions and the Court Trials Begin

I see where some parents are now suing a school for sending children home by bus, despite tsunami warnings, right after the March 11 earthquake hit northern Japan. I have some thoughts about this entire episode and wonder where and how to place the blame for this mess. Is suing the school the right thing to do? Perhaps. Perhaps not. 


Who would have known that the biggest tsunami in 1000 years was going to hit Japan?


Here's the information about the court case. Of course, as always, I will comment along the way. 


Japan Times reports:

Sendai — Parents of four children killed when their kindergarten bus was engulfed by the March 11 tsunami filed a lawsuit Wednesday against the school in Ishinomaki, Miyagi Prefecture, seeking compensation for its failure to ensure the children's safety.

The suit is likely the first of its kind questioning the responsibility of schools with respect to evacuation guidance after the twin disasters, the plaintiffs' lawyer said. The parents are demanding ¥260 million in total compensation from Hiyori kindergarten and its principal at the time.

The complaint filed with the Sendai District Court said the school bus carrying 12 children left the kindergarten, which was located on high ground, about 15 minutes after the massive earthquake on March 11 for their homes along the coastline — despite a tsunami warning having already been issued.

Here we get into the meat of the problem. The bus left the school for homes along the coastline? I understand that the school would want to get the kids to their home and into their parent's care ASAP after a big quake. That's a given. The sooner the kids are at home, the sooner the school responsibility for their safety ends. But driving them to homes along the coastline after a tsunami warning? Irresponsible? Yes. But is there more to this than meets the eye? I think so.

After dropping off seven of the 12 children along the way, the bus was swallowed by tsunami that killed the five children still on board. The plaintiffs are the parents of four of them.

They accuse the kindergarten of failing to gather appropriate emergency and safety information via the radio and other sources, and for not adhering to agreed safety guidelines under which the children were to stay at the kindergarten, to be picked up by their parents and guardians in the event of an earthquake.

Ah! This is important. The agreed safety guidelines. If we are to understand what this means, it says clearly that the school is accused of failing to follow agreed guidelines. Those guidelines state: "the children were to stay at the kindergarten, to be picked up by their parents and guardians in the event of an earthquake."

Seems simple enough, but I have some serious reservations about this. On the one hand, if we are to be completely strict on this interpretation, then the school is 100% absolutely in the wrong. Perhaps they should be sued.

But there are two sides to every story. What about the parent's responsibility? I think we have to look at the past to make a better judgement on this case. 

Bear with me for a moment here... 

Japan is a country of earthquakes. We have them often. Take one of these poor unfortunate children from that kindergarten who were killed in this tragic incident, let's call that child, "A-san". Were there past earthquakes when A-san was at school? If so, how was A-san taken care of after those earthquakes? Did A-san's parents pick A-san up from school, strictly according to the agreement, every time? Or did A-san's parent's allow the school to bus A-san home before?

If past experience is any indicator of future actions, then, it is irresponsible for the parents to expect that the school make a judgement call each time. If the earthquake was a small one, say a 3 on the richter scale, then did the school judge that it was safe to bus the kids home, or did the school consult with the parent's each time? Or did the parent's, strictly according to the agreement, pick up the child each and every time, after any earthquake, large or small? What were the rules? Or did we have "fuzzy" rules?

Do you see what I am getting at here? The parent's cannot have their cake and eat it too. Of course, the school would want to get the kids home ASAP. That's a given. What about past events?

Now, say, while A-san was a student at that school, there never was an earthquake of any mention to be concerned with, what then? Then I am of the thinking that the bulk of responsibility for this event lies with the parents. Why? Who decided that A-san would attend that school? Is it not the responsibility of the parents to investigate a school and decided to enroll their child in that school or not?

Who picked that school? Who was supposed to be diligent in choosing a good school with responsible leadership? The parent's did. Sure, the school may be messed up, but the child is the parent's responsibility.

When the school's responsibility trumps that of the parent's then we open an entire huge can of worms. There can never be any case where the school's responsibility trumps that of the parent.

And if I am going to be really hard assed about this, those areas hit by the tsunami are historical tsunami stricken areas. There's even ancient stones still standing there warning about building homes on low lying areas. It's happened before, it will happen again. Who bought those houses on the shoreline? The parent's did.

I am so sorry for those parents and those poor children who died in this tragic accident. I understand who painful life must be for those parents... But suing the school isn't going to bring those kids back and I think it will only increase their pain because I think they can't win in court.

After all, this was a so-called "Act-of-God" that is a rare occurance. The kids died while in a bus on the way home to their houses which are situated on the coastline. Folks, I think I see some angry, hurt parents trying to shift blame here for this incident. 

I can't understand how it is that the parent's think that the school holds more responsibility than the parents do in this disaster. No! The parent's hold much more responsibility for the kids than the school ever could.

I understand about "the agreement." I suspect that both the school and the parents were lackadaisical about it. 

Kindergarten children are in school for only a few hours a day. The vast majority of their time is spent around home. These kids, bless their souls, were in the wrong place at the wrong time. 

Had the earthquake hit an hour later or at dinner time or at night or early morning or some other time of the year, where would these kids have been? At home. At their parent's home that those parent's bought along the coastline... A coastline that was engulfed by a tsunami and destroyed... And not for the first time either.

The parents suing the school will not bring those children back... Nor will it placate their guilt and responsibility in this matter. 

School's need to stick by the book and not allow parent's to shirk their responsibility. Parents need to take a more holistic view on their children's safety.

In fact, today's parents depend on school for far too much so this is why we have so many problems with the family and complaint's about "today's youth".


The parent's might win this court case, but they won't win any money. They can't. Japanese law does not allow for "damages." If they did, it's one more step towards Japan becoming screwed up like the USA with court cases like this popping up everywhere. What I mean by that is people make bad decisions on life and do irresponsible things (like driving with a hot cup of coffee on their lap) and then suing someone else for their lack of common sense.


This case in Japan reeks of some jerkoff lawyer convincing these poor suffering parents to sue when they can't possibly win.

I will have a post tomorrow on this subject from a different aspect on how a school might have set itself up for being sued in court by defying a parent's demands. This parent was at the school to pick up a child yet the school would not allow that child to leave! Had that child gotten hurt, then that parent probably could sue the school!

The situation is similar to above but while the impetus of responsibility always lies with the parent, the school defied a parent's demands.

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