Japan: A Nation of Incorrigible and Depraved Criminals - If you masturbate and view pornography in Japan, you are supporting yakuza gangster activities and can go to jail! Stop it now!

It's difficult for me to admit, but admit I must. Japan is a nation full of law-breaking criminals and desperadoes. Oh sure, not all of them are robbing banks, committing grand larceny, breaking fingers and ankles, trading women in human trafficking, promoting gambling, drug use, sex, prostitution and all sorts of morally wicked deeds. But, well, the proof is in the pudding as they say: Most men in Japan (Japanese nationals and foreigners) are breaking the law with shocking regularity and that includes you if you live in Japan!

"Mukashi no Uta" (昔の歌) 1939 film. Allegedly, this film was financed with yakuza money (like many films in Japan). If you've seen this film or even if you look at this photo, you are supporting yakuza activities! Look away! Save yourself!

You're either with us or you're with the criminals. And, from where I sit, it looks like every male in Japan is a law breaker and should be apprehended and incarcerated until the end of time. 


If you are a male residing in Japan, Japanese national or not (the law is, after all, fair and color blind) then you are a criminal lawbreaker as you support the yakuza most likely on a daily basis!


You should be ashamed of yourself! You despicable low-life scum! How do you sleep at night?


What I mean to say is that roughly 100% of the male population of Japan are eagerly supporting the criminal activities of yakuza gangsters merely by association and, as such, according to new laws on the books of Japan, must be arrested and made an example of in order to protect society. If I were the chief of police in your neighborhood, you'd be the first person whose butt I locked up and threw away the key!

Give you one guess what those circles mean. So if I were, say, the beer vendor at this boxing match, or even this venue owner, or the guy cleaning the toilets, I would be committing criminal acts under the new law by selling these guys tickets to this event or even a beer or popcorn or making them feel like guests. Genius!

This comes as a deep and profound shock to me as I was under the impression that most guys in Japan were regular Joes going to work and trying to earn a living. Little did I know that every male in Japan over 16 years of age is supporting Yakuza activities. Let me repeat that for you so the gravity of the situation really sinks in: Every single male in Japan over 16 years of age is supporting Yakuza activities and therefore needs to be arrested.


As always, the Tokyo Reporter has the story. I will add my comments in between paragraphs. Please refer to: How to Spot a Yakuza Front Company

On October 5, the National Police Agency announced a revision to the Anti-Organized Crime Law to be submitted to the ordinary session of the Diet. The initiative follows anti-gang ordinances adopted by all prefectures and administrative divisions that same month.

Crucially to the general public, the latter legislation prohibits ordinary citizens from assisting the business activities of criminal organizations.


So what these morons are saying is that if I take my dirty laundry to the corner dry cleaner, which I am unaware of is actually a front for a Yakuza company, I can get fined and in trouble and eventually jailed. What bullocks! 


My question is: what's to stop some cop from abusing his power and use this law to take revenge on former business partners and people he doesn't like? What's to stop him from coming down on a legitimate dry cleaning business when it just so happens that his family owns the other dry cleaners in the same neighborhood? 


But I digress...

Media outlets, celebrities, and the sporting world have subsequently been monitoring their own activities.

No. They haven't. They've been pissing and moaning about how stupid these new laws are and an obstruction of business.

Shukan Taishu Venus (Feb. 22) sets about determining what commoners can do to protect themselves from unknowingly associating with crime syndicates.

There are thousands of yakuza front companies operating in Japan, says the tabloid. “I used to work at such an organization,” confesses a freelance writer. “Many other employees did not know, however, that a gang group was behind it.”

Hello!? Did they say, "commoners?" How about peasantry? Then they go on and say that the employees didn't even know the company was owned by yakuza so how in the hell are the customers supposed to know? Jeez!

To avoid working for such a firm, the writer suggests research. “You should at least check the company’s name on the net,” the source says. “While it is important to see what users on bulletin boards say, what’s crucial is to know the number of years it has been in business and its history.”

Idiocy! Check the company's name on the Internet? Riiiiiiiight. If it says "A yakuza corporation" on their web page, then you'll know something might not be kosher. This writer is a moron too. Since when is it the employees job to make sure that company shareholders aren't up to hijinks?


As one friend told me, "If I put my money into any bank in Japan, I cannot be sure that the yakuza are not involved... After all, all big banks the world over are corrupt, dishonest businesses!"

Companies that change their names and lines of businesses frequently are suspect, says the writer, adding: “Companies that use simple English words such as ‘consultant’ or ‘create’ following a name is certainly dubious as it is an attempt to establish a good image just from the sound of the name.”

English words? Heavens! Consultant? Create? My god! Just to show you how incredibly dumb this is, I did a Google search using the words, (コンサルタント 東京　株式会社) "consultant," "Tokyo," "corporation" to see how many companies, or references to those companies, in Tokyo I could find. I received a total of 38,000,000 hits! Thirty-eight million!

The only straight line these people who wrote this law could write is if their brains were hooked up to an electroencephalogram (EEG) to measure their brain activity. That should be plenty to prove to anyone who has any trace of cranial activity that this article and this law is complete and total bullsh*t!

Now, let's take this nonsense even one step further and I will prove to you why every man in Japan over 16 is, according to the new law, a criminal or supporting criminal activities. And that includes you, pal!


♫ Bad boys, bad boys, whatcha gonna do? Whatcha gonna do when they come for you? ♫

I wrote about this just the other day. Please refer to Anti-Crime (Anti-Yakuza) Laws in Japan Completely Insane - Yakuza Gangsters (or those suspected of ties) can't play golf, go to Disneyland, eat at McDonald's or order Domino's Pizza either! Idiotic Laws!:

The asinine laws that went into effect last October make associating with Yakuza a crime. Yes, yes, blah, blah... But what does, "associating with Yakuza" mean? I checked Merriam-Webster dictionary for "Associate" it said:

Associate: (transitive verb)

1) to join as partner or friend

2) to join or connect together

3) to bring together into a relationship in any of various intangible ways (as in memory or imagination)

Ah! Number 3 is the tricky one. So, if you are living outside of Japan, and I live here and if you and I were to meet, you could associate me with the Yakuza because the Yakuza are from Japan too! See how this works?

Under these new laws, obviously written by people with the intelligence of chimpanzees, "associating with a Yakuza" is not limited to things like you being a card-holding gang member or their "friend" and hanging around with them at the billiard room; it's not limited to your driving in their getaway cars while they rob banks or standing around as watch out while they have "a problem in communication" and wind up roughing up uncooperative, er, "customers." It means that if you suspect that someone is a Yakuza, yet you treat them like anyone else, you could be fined or sent to prison.

If contact with the yakuza continues despite all this, a person risks up to one year in the hoosegow and a fine of ¥500,000 ($6,400).

It hit the golf industry hard.

“If customers are yakuza, we ask them to leave even if they're in the middle of playing," said the general manager of Akabane Golf Club (Mainichi newspaper article in Japanese). He is also the chairman of the Council of Golf Clubs for the Expulsion of Organized Crime in Tokyo. How would he know if someone is a yakuza? "We refer the names of suspicious people to the police,” he said.

And the pizza delivery industry is in uproar. 

"We don't know if the address we deliver to is the place of a yakuza," said the Delivery Business Safety Driving Council. But don't panic. "One or two pizzas are OK,” the Council said, “but delivering a huge amount of pizza, knowing that the customer is a yakuza is a no-no." They're planning to invite police officers to a study meeting with restaurant owners.

So it's not rocket science; if you do anything or support anything or any business run by the yakuza, then you are guilty of aiding, abetting and supporting criminal organizations and, as such, violating the new laws on the books.

Stop! You are violating the law! Close your eyes right now. This is your last warning!

Now let me show you how it is that, if you are a male in Japan, then you are guilty of supporting the yakuza and should be arrested. Everyone knows that, in Japan, the yakuza have their hand in the entertainment business. Nowhere else is this hand more evident than in the "adult entertainment" business. That means hostess clubs, dating services, prostitution and pornography. 


Yes, that's right: Pornography. Is there anyone who thinks that the yakuza do not control the pornography industry in Japan? 


Now, what's that got to do with you, you ask? Don't lie to me. Everyone knows that 98% of all men admit to masturbating and the other 2% are liars. I know what you are doing! You might say that it is nobody's business what your right hand does while viewing pictures like the one above, but, let's face it; you are a normal red-blooded guy, right?


According to the Healthy Strokes web site, 100% of all men masturbate:


Some authorities say 100% and that there are no exceptions. According to a survey of more than 10,000 males by the web site HealthyStrokes.com in the second half of 2007, 99.15 percent reported masturbating currently. Limiting the scope to those over 18 (your question refers to "men"), 99 percent report masturbating currently. All of those males report having masturbated in the past.


Okay, so it's not 100%. It's 99% (and the other 1% are liars). So, like I said, everyone knows the Yakuza control the porno industry in Japan. And what's the problem with that? Someone has to do it. It's not like your local bank, postal service or hospital is going to diversify their businesses and get into the porn industry (although there's always more openings for nurses!) 


So that means every time you view photos of sexy Japanese girls or Japanese porn, you are supporting a business run by the yakuza and, in turn, violating the new laws.


So, ultimately that means when you view porn (that is most likely created by yakuza run organizations) that includes sexy Japanese girls, you are a criminal...


Or, if you don't masturbate, then you are a liar. Which is it? 


We definitely need more intelligent laws like this on the books, wouldn't you agree?

Go to jail. Go immediately to jail. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200!

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Anti-Crime (Anti-Yakuza) Laws in Japan Completely Insane - Yakuza gangsters (or those suspected of ties) can't play golf, go to Disneyland, eat McDonald's or order Domino's Pizza either! Idiotic laws!

I've railed repeatedly on the idiotic laws in this country concerning the Yazuka gangsters, prostitution, gambling, drug laws and other areas of wasteful public spending trying to control morality, and other victimless "crimes," but today I found one more law that just takes the cake.

Before, someone pointed out to me that the Yakuza are involved with human trafficking and I think that the Japanese police might be useful in putting a stop to that. But, like in yesterday's article about arresting a restaurant owner because his girls (supposed waitresses) were sitting down at table and talking with customers, I think the laws on the books are absurd. Trying to stop Human Trafficking? Okay. Stopping victimless "crimes"? No.


Please refer to: Police Raid Clubs in Tokyo Hosted by Porn Stars ad Arrest Managers - More Nonsense From the Police and Wasting Tax Money - Yes, There are Photos. Why Do You Ask?

On February 24, officers took managers Yuji Isa, 51, and Hiroaki Kato, 30, and two other employees of club Pippi, located in the Roppongi and Shinjuku entertainment areas, into custody for allowing female staff members to sit and serve at the same table as customers — a violation of the Law Regulating Adult Entertainment Businesses.

I thought that must be one of the stupidest things I have ever heard of; arresting managers because waitresses are sitting down on the job and talking to customers. 

Like I said, "I thought that must be one of the stupidest things I have ever heard of." Well, it's not. I was wrong. It's not even close to the stupidest thing. Today's topic is the stupidest thing... 

"Arrest that woman and bring her to me for proper disciplining!"

The asinine laws that went into effect last October make associating with Yakuza a crime. Yes, yes, blah, blah... But what does, "associating with Yakuza" mean? I checked Merriam-Webster dictionary for "Associate" it said:

Associate: (transitive verb)

1) to join as partner or friend

2) to join or connect together

3) to bring together into a relationship in any of various intangible ways (as in memory or imagination)

Ah! Number 3 is the tricky one. So, if you are living outside of Japan, and I live here and if you and I were to meet, you could associate me with the Yakuza because the Yakuza are from Japan too! See how this works?

Under these new laws, obviously written by people with the intelligence of chimpanzees, "associating with a Yakuza" is not limited to things like you being a card-holding gang member or their "friend" and hanging around with them at the billiard room; it's not limited to your driving in their getaway cars while they rob banks or standing around as watch out while they have "a problem in communication" and wind up roughing up uncooperative, er, "customers." It means that if you suspect that someone is a Yakuza, yet you treat them like anyone else, you could be fined or sent to prison.

These two guys played Yakuza in a movie. That means, under the definition of 

"associated" that they have something to do with the Yakuza, right?

No. I am not making that up. Think about that for a minute. What does that mean?

Let's say you run a, say, flower shop and you get a telephone order to deliver flowers to someone, if you know or suspect that the person is a Yakuza, and you fill that order, you could be in violation of the law and subject to arrest and penalties.

Don't believe me?

Testosterone Pit reports in, "No More Golf or Pizza for the Yakuza":

Tokyo's organized crime exclusionary laws went into effect in October—and they're already wreaking havoc. The laws criminalize doing business with bōryokudan ("violent group" or colloquially yakuza). In an ingenious twist, paying off the yakuza in an extortion racket is also a crime. Now restaurants have to stop paying protection money. Even victims of blackmail—hush money is an outright industry in Japan—commit a crime if they pay.

First, there's a warning. But if violations persist, authorities will add the business or person to a public list of perps who have a "close relationship" with the yakuza. Instant loss of face. And then the financial nightmare: customers flee, banks shut their doors, government agencies won't renew licenses, office leases get terminated—all based on the organized crime exclusionary clauses in their contracts. Individuals may lose their jobs, as comedian and TV host, Shimada Shinsuke, found out.

If contact with the yakuza continues despite all this, a person risks up to one year in the hoosegow and a fine of ¥500,000 ($6,400).

It hit the golf industry hard.

“If customers are yakuza, we ask them to leave even if they're in the middle of playing," said the general manager of Akabane Golf Club (Mainichi newspaper article in Japanese). He is also the chairman of the Council of Golf Clubs for the Expulsion of Organized Crime in Tokyo. How would he know if someone is a yakuza? "We refer the names of suspicious people to the police,” he said.

And the pizza delivery industry is in uproar. 

"We don't know if the address we deliver to is the place of a yakuza," said the Delivery Business Safety Driving Council. But don't panic. "One or two pizzas are OK,” the Council said, “but delivering a huge amount of pizza, knowing that the customer is a yakuza is a no-no." They're planning to invite police officers to a study meeting with restaurant owners.

Jesus! Is this stupid, or what? Are we living in Nazi Germany or, even worse, the United States? The guy who said, "How would he know if someone is a Yakuza or not?" is completely correct. It's not like underworld organization members wear a uniform everywhere they go or dress on the field like baseball players do. 

Also, since when is it the duty of the pizza delivery guy or a privately run business to determine if someone is a gangster or not? What if the guy's wife or kids answer the door? I don't think most kids have a clue as to what daddy does at work, especially in this country.

Delivered to you in under 30 minutes or you're under arrest!

Have you ever seen the 2001 movie Traffic? That was the movie with Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta-Jones. She was the wife who had no idea that her husband was a drug trafficker and had gangland ties. Well, you know, it's not like people brag about being a Yakuza. Sure that was just a movie but that part is completely realistic. Most people who are involved with illegal activities don't advertise... Funny that. Whether those activities should be illegal or not is another story.

I'll bet many children, and some wives, of Yakuza might suspect but are not sure what "Daddy" does when he goes to work. I am pretty confident that when he comes home to relax he doesn't tell them, "Yeah, today was a tough day at gangster HQ. I had to break the knee-caps and elbows of three different people! Three! Can you believe it? Boy, I'm beat!"

These laws are idiocy. Total and complete idiocy.

I have also read somewhere else that this is actually a case of Japan's Amakudari whereby retired government officials, after retiring, take cushy jobs in the private sector. These new laws are actually designed to help those retired people (in this case retired formerly high ranking police officers) take jobs as a sort of "legal advisor" to privately run corporations to advise them as to how to handle the new laws. So they are, actually, a scam.

That makes sense to me. It makes sense because these laws are too stupid on their own to not have some sort of ulterior motive. There can be no other logical explanation for coercing the public and private businesses into supporting your local police department.

As government is wont to do, they will create a crisis where none exists and thee use that crisis as a way to get money. That's what government's do. In fact, it seems that is the only thing government is efficient at doing. 

Anyone who would buy a ticket to a Bon Jovi concert 

whether real or counterfeit, should be shot!

In the future I guess we'll have to show ID to prove that we're not gangsters in order to get a pizza or burger delivered to our door. Also to reinforce the point of how stupid this actually is, forget about deliveries; what happens if a gangster looking guys walks up to a counter at a McDonald's and orders a burger? Is the 18-year-old clerk to determine if he is a possible criminal or not?

God! his is so stupid on so many levels it makes me want to pull my hair out.

If the Japanese people and businesses put up with these asinine laws they'll be getting what they deserve in the near future. You can get a glimpse of that future by getting on an airplane and flying to the USA to see the lack of freedom those people have.

I'm going to do everything I can to fight this idiotic trend. I hope you will too. We don't need Japan to become like the United States more than it already has.

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Old Skool Yakuza Gangster Assassination - New Skool Government Fear Mongering

"You never want a serious crisis to go to waste. And what I mean by that is an opportunity to do things you think you could not do before." - Rahm Emanuel

Well, as it has been said, never to let a good crisis go to waste, a gangland killing in Japan has gotten the police and the mass media in a huff to show the population of Japan just how much serious danger they, and their children, are in. What ever will we do? Well, obviously, we need to rely on the police to protect us from these senseless gangster killers who are out to kill us all and eat our children. Read on.

Yakuza are going the way of the samurai... The ones I see never dress nice like this anymore.... They only dress nicely like this in the movies...

It looks like the Yakuza gangsters in Japan have really fallen on tough times. It seems that things are so bad that they've started eating out at crummy family restaurants. What ever happened to the classy joints these guys used to hang at at? You know, guys like Don Corleone who would only go to those ritzy members-only clubs that were filled with those classy hot dames like you see in the movies?

Yeah. Like this. High class women... Gentlemanly attitude

Gangsters hanging out at family restaurants!? I mean, has business gotten that bad? My business is bad too but I never go to family restaurants like Denny's. I hate that place. Family restaurants are over-priced and the food isn't good at all (excepting the salad bar at Sizzler's). And trust folks, even though I don't go, I do know that Denny's in Japan is MUCH better than Denny's in the USA. Denny's in Japan is actually kept very clean and the service is good (well, this is Japan, after all).


But, that's not the point. Never mind.


It seems that in Chiba, a Yakuza guy walked into a Denny's restaurant, pulled out a gun and blew away another Yakuza guy who was sitting there. I think it was a planned "hit" because there was no big scene or fight before the shooting.   


The Japan Times Reports in "Mobster Dead in Eatery Shooting":

CHIBA — An apparently underworld member gunned down another yakuza in a crowded Denny's eatery in Togane, Chiba Prefecture, and then fled, police said.

The shooter, thought to be a gangster in his 60s, remains at large. The victim, Yoshiaki Furukawa, 62, from Kujyukuri, also apparently a yakuza, was shot in the chest. The gunman fled by car from the Denny's Togane Bypass outlet at around 10:05 a.m.

Police, who suspect the killing stemmed from money troubles, set up checkpoints on key routes.

Furukawa entered the Denny's with four others at 8:45 a.m. He started talking with the gunman, who came in shortly before 10 a.m., at another table near the door before he was shot.

"I heard a loud bang real close, just a few meters away from me," said one customer. "When I looked over my shoulder, a man was lying on the floor, bleeding."

So, the Yakuza are out shooting each other in what looks to be a planned event and what to the police do? They scare the entire eastern half of Japan by telling people to take their little children home from school and setting up roadblocks for someone who they don't even know what he looks like.

The female news reporter on the left at the start of the video is amusing in how much she tries her best to look serious and that she actually cares. Also notice the dozens of police and intentionally high visibility at the crime scene. They must have sent every single policeman available to make for great news video!

From the description of the Japan Times quote above the only thing that this news report adds is that the shooting was near a Denny's that is near two schools. I hate to sound like a Negative Nelly, but, well, yeah. The Denny's is near a train station, like probably every Denny's in Japan. Nobody in their right mind puts a family restaurant - or a school - too awfully far from a train station, especially when we're talking about big Japanese cities. Nevertheless, this gives the broadcasting station enough "gunpowder" to be able to scare everyone that the Yakuza are coming for your children! The underlying message being that we need the police to protect us from these out-of-control demons.


Once again, the police will use this incident as some sort of proof that we need more police protection and more laws clamping down on the Yakuza (which has been ongoing for this last year). I think that sort of notion is complete and absolute nonsense. Let me explain and add some perspective to this.


From the Associated Press:

Japan, where very few people own guns, averages 124 gun-related attacks a year, and less than 1 percent end in death. Police often raid the homes of those suspected of having weapons. 

And may I add this from the Asia-Pacific Law Review: 

Gun crime does exist, but in very low numbers. There were only 30 crimes committed in 1989 with shotguns or air rifles. With no legal civilian handgun possession, Japan experiences in an average year less than 200 violent crimes perpetrated with a handgun, of which almost all are perpetrated by Boryokudan, organised crime groups. Most gun crimes involve only unlicensed possession, and not the commission of another crime. 

Anyone can see that the hype doesn't reflect the reality. We don't need more laws curtailing whatever it is that the Yakuza are doing, especially ridiculous things like scalping tickets and we certainly do not need to increase police or government budgets.


We need to cut government spending. With our public debt at 229% of GDP, we certainly do not need to use these sorts of excuses to increase police budgets for crimes that kill 127 people a year (and nearly all of them perpetrated against gangster by gangsters - not regular people) in a country of 127 million people. Heck, in 2010 over 350,000 people died of cancer... 


But laying in a hospital bed with tubes in ones nose doesn't make for good or exciting TV news, now does it? Shootouts and panic are much better for increasing budgets and asking for more taxation. 




Thanks to Japan Times and News on Japan

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Major Japanese Magazines and Writers Come Out Agreeing With You-Know-Who on Yakuza Legislation

Well, look at what we have here! It's not often that I get to blow my own horn so allow me the indulgence: 


Tokyo Reporter has the story that Nikkan Gendai as well as some very famous Japanese writers have come out publicly against proposed legislation that is supposed designed to curtail Yakuza activities:

Since its institution in October, the prefectural legislation has been called “overkill,” with critics calling it a violation of basic human rights since gang members and their families are first and foremost people.

“Laws should be enforced based on deeds and not on a person’s social status,” Sataka said.

Nikkan Gendai believes that police are aware that an opposition movement may spread, which would render the legislation to be ineffective.

I wrote at length about this in Legislating Morality. I also complained that carte blanche laws and rules that hurt people and their families due to guilt by association could not possibly be legal and is not up to standard in a so-called democratic nation that respects human rights. I also wrote that I was extremely suspicious of this sort of legislation. Refer to: Japanese Insurance Companies Stop Payments for Jews, Catholics, Cross-dressers, Left-Handed People, Club Members, Punks and Yakuza

The recent crackdown on the Yakuza in Japan is not motivated by any recent domestic developments or problems on the home front. I submit to you, dear reader, that this crack down is motivated partly by US government pressure and is just another of many scams being perpetrated by our government to steal money to help pay for the financial disaster that the western governments (Japan included) have engineered that is about to befall on all of us regular people in the working class. On top of that, it is just another boondoogle for a government agency (the Japanese police) to try to justify massive public tax expenditures and to try to avoid budget cutbacks next year... 


Well now we have the Nikkan Gendai and these writers agreeing with me but, as was expected, they have a bit more inside information that I do and accuse the government of hijinks on a different level. They accuse the government of creating these new laws to protect the Good Old Boys network in Japan whereby retired government workers (read retired police fat cats) get high paying jobs at private firms after retirement. They call it Amakudari here.


More from Tokyo Reporter:

According to Miyazaki, the real point of the legislation is the preservation of amakudari, or the process by which government officials assume positions at corporations upon retirement.

“At the time of the U.S.-Japan Security Treaty in 1970, many policemen were recruited,” Miyazaki said. “This is a big problem in guaranteeing them an amakudari positions upon retirement. The Ministry of Land, Infrastructure, Transport and, Tourism and the Ministry of Economy, Trade, and Industry are different. Retired police officials do not have any special skills that can be carried forward into the business world. However, if laws (related to organized crime) become more strict, companies would need former officers for consulting purposes.”

The article notes that the January 28 issue of Toyo Keizai magazine says that there are 83 listed firms, including Sharp Corporation, NYK Group, and the Chugoku Electric Power Company, that have former police officials on staff.

Therefore, the strengthening anti-gang laws at the prefectural and national levels would require more former police officials “to descend” into positions within corporations for compliance reasons, Nikkan Gendai says. 


Here, once again, as I have repeatedly stated; the government always has some sort of motivation (not the public good) for what it does. It is the goal of all governments, be they Democratic, Communist, Fascist, Socialist to use whatever crisis exists to expand upon themselves and increase the size of government. History shows us this to be true.  


This nonsense is a waste of our tax monies. Japan is up deep serious economic problems. We have debt at 229% of GDP. Total debt at 492% of GDP. A declining population which is destroying the savings rate and our productivity and these idiots in government and the police are concerned about ticket scalpers, hot young actresses, mutually consented sex between adults, and members only clubs... And they are concerned that the Yakuza are involved with all of the above and, heaven forbid, making TV shows?!

Obviously with criminal intent

Don't want to get off the point too much, but, as an example; what people need to realize is that the mafia are and have always been involved with entertainment business in the west too! In Japan the Yakuza have been involved in the entertainment business in Japan for easily over 400 years. Here's two choice tidbits from Wikipedia:

"They are very prevalent in the Japanese media..."

"Despite uncertainty about the single origin of yakuza organizations, most modern yakuza derive from two classifications which emerged in the mid-Edo Period (1603 – 1868): tekiya, those who primarily peddled illicit, stolen or shoddy goods; and bakuto, those who were involved in or participated in gambling."

If you want to see just how much more absurdist this entire thing gets. Here is the original Tokyo Reporter story that the - surprise! - Yakuza are involved in TV! Heavens! What will we ever do?  Hot Young Female Japanese Actresses, Yakuza Gangsters, Sex and Japanese TV and Mass Media - This Post Has it All!!! 


... In the meantime, drip drip drip... nuclear waste leaks at Tepco, our debt grows by the minute, idiots want to double sales taxes so that we can pay for government expenditures (such as chasing skirts on TV sets) the economy stumbles... And the Keystone Cops want to chase ticket scalpers and skirts?... Doomed, I tell you!

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Drug Rehab at Asia's Most Famous Hospital - Part 1 (Life in the Cooler) Upon Arrival to Rehab Everyone Must Detox in the Feared Cooler

Today's blog post is the first in a series of articles about events that happened nearly 20 years ago; my time in drug rehabilitation in Japan. Today will be my first day - well, first few days. I want to write down my experiences for the five weeks total I was in rehab. 

This isn't a real alcoholic, I can tell. Real alcoholics don't 

bother tearing the labels off their bottle of booze

I entered rehab because of a serious addiction to speed. My daughter had just recovered from a nearly two year fight against cancer and it was a victory for me. During that time, not only was I paying well over $5000 a month for hospital bills (private hospital and my insurance company wouldn't pay for that), I had to support two other daughters by holding down several jobs at once. I look back now and do not know how I managed it all. I certainly could not do it again. The hardest part to admit about all this is that I was a speed addict. People think that speed addicts do that drug for fun; well, it may be fun at first but it soon becomes a habit like coffee or cigarettes. Towards the end of my ordeal, I was doing about $2000 a week in speed. 

I didn't do the speed to get high. If I didn't do the speed, I'd fall asleep. I had gotten to the point whereby, if I didn't do any speed, I couldn't just function normally again. What a miserable existence it was. 


Usually, drug rehab in Japan is, at the least, a three to six month ordeal. Many people are there for a year or two. Some people are in there for many years. There were two guys in the hospital that I was in that had been there since they were 16. They were 66 when I was there. Why they were there for so long is that, in Japan, if someone won't agree to be your guarantor and look  out for you after your release, then the state won't let you go. These guys had probably caused their families so much misery that no one wanted to see them again. They were guests of the state for more than 50 years. If they haven't died, they are still there.

There were many other people who had been in an out several times. One guy, who I called, "Mister Cool," told me that he had been admitted, released and readmitted a total of nine times. I'm sure he isn't the record holder either. Mister Cool was very cool, calm and collected. Everyone else was going crazy and climbing the walls to get out of that place, but not Mister Cool. He took it all in stride. I asked him if he wasn't anxious to get out of the hospital. He told me that he was. But he also added, "What's the point of rushing to get out of here? In no time, you're just going to wind up back inside."


I was in and out in five weeks. That seems short but when I was in, it seemed like an eternity. That I got in and out so quickly was because the doctors deemed that I wasn't so bad (I thought I was and I thought they were crazy) and, the longer one stays in rehab, the more difficult it is to return to society as a productive member. So the doctors wanted me out of there as soon as possible. Once in, I wanted out of there immediately and wondered why in the hell I ever volunteered to go in in the first place.  


I would have written down my experiences at that time but I was too messed up and couldn't see any future past the end of my nose. The only future I was looking forward to was my wife visiting in the hospital and bringing me chocolates everyday (former drug abusers usually get addicted to chocolate as chocolate gives a Dopamine rush like drugs do); eating food at the hospital cafeteria everyday and getting the hell outta that place. 

This is what I looked like at that time

At that time, I was a proud new student of life in the most famous drug rehab hospital in all of Japan: Matsuzawa Hospital. In fact, Matsuzawa Hospital was the most famous drug rehab center in all of Asia. It was said that if you went to Matsuzawa and "graduated" (meaning were released back into society - never to return) that was the same and just as difficult as getting into Japan's prestigious Tokyo University and graduating.


There are lots of "funny" things about Matsuzawa. To me, the funniest part of Matsuzawa Hospital is that they put people who were recovering drug and alcohol patients into the same wards as people who were patients due to having mental disorders such as schizophrenia and the like or being mentally disturbed (uh, everyone is mentally disturbed to a certain level). Me? I was a former druggie about to go straight. I was looking forward to it. Why was I looking forward to it? Because I had voluntarily admitted myself to this madhouse. I was sick of my life. I knew that I only had three choices: Go to prison, die, or go to drug rehab. Being a coward, I took what seemed the easiest route. When I later told the other patients in my ward that I had volunteered to enter drug rehab, they all thought that, surely, I must be the craziest one in the entire insane asylum.


I don't know about today, but in Japan at that time, if you voluntarily entered into drug rehab, unlike the USA, you don't leave until the doctor says it is OK. I didn't really understand that when I went in.

You kiddin' me? If the doctor looked like that, I'd never want to leave her behind

When I was admitted into the hospital, I had no clue as to what to expect. I was asked to lay on a stretcher. The next thing I knew was I was being strapped in. I didn't fight it. I thought strapping people to a stretcher was for safety as, "Maybe they are going to carry me and I don't want them dropping me!" The next thing I knew is the doctor pulled out this massive syringe and was about to give me an injection that looked to be the size of a can of Coke.


The doctor began injecting the liquid into my arm. 


"Ha!" I laughed. I knew I was tougher than this. I was a hard core druggie and I was a foreigner. My body size was much larger than these puny Japanese! "This pharmaceutical grade stuff is for woosies! I've been doing the best!" I thought... 


I said to the doctor with a laugh, "Doc, you're going to need stronger stuff... That's not going to work on me, my friend!" The doctor just smiled at me and nodded in agreement as he continued injecting me....


I was determined to stay conscious. I repeated to the doctor, "I'm............ made of..... much tougher..... stuff...than... ZZZZZZ.... zzzzzzz >snork!<... zzzzzzzz......."


Out like a light. Off to baby bumpy nigh-nigh land....

As I said, I would have written these experiences down on paper and pencil when I was first admitted but I was too screwed up and I think they didn't allow people to have writing materials (for reasons that might become obvious later). Perhaps writing materials were forbidden because people would have figured out a way to stab themselves or someone else with the pencil or maybe they'd commit suicide by hanging with a pad and pencil? Or maybe they would have been slipping notes under the nurses' station window that said stuff like, "Get me outta here!" or "How about calling out for a delivery of a quart of Jack Daniels, eh, sugar tits?"

Gratuitous photo of sexy girls dressed like Nazi guards

When one first goes into rehab, they are put into "the cooler." The cooler is like what you see in these World War II movies; Allied soldiers captured by the Germans who make trouble at the prisoner of war camps are sent to detention in "za kooler" by the camp kommandant. People who were in the hospital for drug rehabilitation are put into the cooler because, I was told later, that many of them get really violent and so they are placed there for a few days, under heavy sedation, until they can get some of the chemicals out of their bloodstream and calm down. 

The cooler was a small room not tall enough to stand up straight in and just barely large enough to lay down in. I supposed two or three people - or maybe four could be squeezed into one room. All four walls and ceiling and floor were padded. Of course, like in a movie, the room was completely white. There were no windows and there was a connecting segment that had a toilet in it. There was no door on the toilet nor any way to flush the toilet. It reeked. The door was heavy steel with a small window that had bars on it and there was a slot at the bottom of the door for food to be passed through.

The Goon Tower at Matsuzawa Hospital

After getting my injection of sedative, I passed out dead to the world. Later, I awoke. I had no idea how long I was out. I had no idea what time of day it was. Was I out a few hours or a few days? I'm still not sure to this very day. I awoke in the cooler. I was laying on my side and, even though I was conscious, I couldn't move. Not just my body, I couldn't move my head, my fingers, anything. I was no longer in a straight jacket, it's just that my motor functions had completely stopped due to the elephant tranquilizer they gave me. By golly those sedatives did work! My faith in big pharma had been restored!

There was a jangling at the door which was above my head and, since I couldn't turn my head, I couldn't see the door. Suddenly I was witness to the black shoes and white pants of 4 or 5 medical doctors and male nurses. They were all mumbling about something. They crouched in front of me and one doctor pried open my eyelids and flashed a flashlight into my eyes. First right, then left. He held the back of my neck. Another doctor was checking my pulse. The doctor said, "Are you okay?"...

This must be a luxury cell. For one, you can stand up in it and 

it is at least 5 times bigger than my cell was.

I wanted to say, "Yes, doctor. I am fine." But I couldn't. My brain was processing the information but there must have been a problem in the synapse department because when my brain ordered my mouth to say, "I'm ok" all that came out was "Gurglllkkkkdxxx" and a heck of a lot of slobber... I couldn't respond. I had become human jello like the blob in those 1950's science fiction movies.

The main doctor looked at me for a moment and then, with a sigh, said to the other doctors, "Not yet." With that, they all stood up and walked out of the cooler their farewells were the jangling of the keys locking the door behind them.

Slam! Echo. Silence....


My brain was shouting like a lost trapped teenager screaming to his friends who were searching for him yet walking right by as they couldn't hear his cries. "Hey guys! No! Wait! I'm okay! Come back, guys!" I was jumping up and down against the door railing in my mind, but, in all actuality, I was still laying there on my side unable to make even the most basic motor reaction. "Maybe they could read Morse Code if I blink my eyes correctly?" I thought.


Drool... "Come back guys!" But I was tired... So tired... Close my eyes and then back to wonderful sleep...


This situation continued for the next day or two. It got so bad that since I could not move myself, I soiled my clothes. My wife tells me that she came to the hospital and visited the cooler while I was out cold and cleaned and changed me. I guess that is typical and how things are done in Japan. I do know that it is true at Japanese hospitals that family will often come and give invalid family members baths and change clothes. That my wonderful wife did this for me I will always be thankful for even thought I don't remember it at all. My wife would later tell me that I was in the cooler for at least "4 days or so."


The next day, the doctor's came back in. In their previous visit I was so angry at myself because I was still unable to respond coherently to their questions. I promised myself that the next time I saw them, I'd be able to respond and show them that I was okay. I wanted desperately to get out of the cooler as soon as possible. And it was obvious that if you couldn't at least say, "Hi doc!" they weren't going to let you out of the cooler. So I began practicing talking and saying words. Kind of like a self-enforced linguistic rehabilitation.


After a while, I guess a few days, I was finally able to sit up by myself.... Or, at least, what I thought was close to sitting up. I tried to listen to the door so that I could hear the footsteps of the doctors before they came to my door. I figured that this holding area where to cooler was has at least three or four or five other coolers next to mine filled with occupants who, like me, were unable to control any of their motor functions or their bladder. Maybe that's why the place reeked so bad.


At length, the jangling of the keys woke me from my trance. I tried to sit up very straight and I shook my head to try to sober up. The doctors came in and went through their ritual. 


The doctor said, "How are you doing?"


This time I really made the effort to speak clearly but I still even had trouble just lifting my head. I gathered up every bit of strength I had and yet, all I could do was mumble and drool. Again my brain was saying the words but my mouth couldn't do the movements. "Urgh..gxxsnyxxx..." 


The doctor looked at the other doctors and to my horror said, "Not yet" and they all stood up and walked out again. 


In my mind, I panicked, "No! I'll be okay in a minute! Just let me get dressed and splash some water on my face, guys! Come back!" 


Slam. Jangle. Clink. Jangle. They were gone in a flash. I was alone again in hell. Still, exhausted. Once again, I fell to sleep.


After a while I was awoken again by noise at the door. "The doctors!" I thought, "They've changed their minds and have come back to let me out!" I was so happy! But it wasn't the doctors. It was the sound of food being pushed through the slot under my door. I grew angry at this. I went over to look at the food they had given me. It was some sort of rice gruel. In Japan and China, rice gruel is often given to sick people as it is easily quite digestible. I hated rice gruel. 

That they'd walk off and then serve me rice gruel started me off to getting even more angrier the more I thought about it. I started to work myself into a huff. I think about that now and that was a sure sign that the tranquilizers were wearing off. The more I thought about my situation, the more pissed off I began to get. "Who do they think they are putting me into the cooler like this? What is this rice gruel, crap? Don't they know I hate rice gruel?" I decided that I wanted, no demanded to speak to the doctor. How dare they do this to me! I demanded my rights.


I pulled myself up to the door and tried to peek out through the bars at the top (like Steve McQueen did in Papillon) to see if I could see and doctors or nurses running around. But I couldn't see anyone. I began to loudly proclaim all the typical things you see people in the movies say when they are in incarceration:


"Hello! Hello! Anyone there? Hey! I need to talk to the doctor. There's been some sort of misunderstanding. I shouldn't be in here! Hello!" But I couldn't see anyone and the area outside of my cell was silent. I kept speaking, out, louder and louder, almost shouting for awhile, but it was no avail. I considered really screaming bloody murder at the top of my lungs, but didn't. I thought there was no use. There was no one there. I figured that no one could hear me.  Thank god I didn't throw a temper tantrum and start banging on the bars and doing stupid things like throwing my food around or banging the bars with the food plate like a caged ape. I'd find out the next day that they could hear me but allowed me to say and do as I pleased. I was under observation. 


I gave up and sat back down. I was still mad though. I looked over to the rice gruel and decided then and there that I was going to show them. I was going to turn the tables on these wicked people. I was going to gain my release through the peaceful protest methods of the greats like Mahandas Gandhi: I was going to go on a hunger strike and then, next to death, I'd become a world famous celebrity and they'd have to release me.

Been there. Done that. I figured this guy and I had a lot in common!

Yes. That's the ticket! I'd starve myself out of there. I wouldn't eat anything until those doctors came back and started begging me to eat something... I could see it all. Imagine, me! Me as the serious and devout man with a cause and those stinking doctors begging for mercy! They be begging for me to eat. I'd be on the covers of Time and Newsweek magazine! I'd be the world leader of an entirely new protest movement! (I think about that now and realize that the sedative must have been wearing off because I was back to having crazy thoughts of grandeur and delusion!)


"Hmph! That's fix them!" I thought. So I sat there having decided that I wouldn't touch the food. That warm food that, actually smelled pretty good. I began having conversations in my head. There was an angel of my good conscious on my right shoulder and the devil sitting on my left. The three of us began to argue.


"Come to think of it, I am pretty famished as I hadn't eaten anything in three or four days!"


"No! You coward! You'll never get out of here if you give into their tricks!"


"He's right, you know. For all you know that food is laced with more sedatives and mind control drugs. They want you to eat it. That's part of their 'plan.'"


"But, you know, my wife really likes that rice gruel stuff. I've never really cared for it. But it does smell pretty good."


"What? What kind of thoughts are these? You've just started a hunger strike and you've lasted maybe 15 minutes and you're giving up already? Don't you have any respect for yourself."


"Yeah? Don't you have any respect for yourself?"


I knew it. Those guys were right. So I stuck with the two out of three guy's opinion and decided to stick it out with my hunger strike. For one, I wanted out of there. For two, I hated rice gruel. If it had been something like fried chicken I think I might have listened to whoever it was who wanted food (I think the wimpy one was me).


So I gave up again and, determined to go on hunger strike, at least until the doctors came the next day, I laid back down in an attempt to sleep and forget about my troubles and the food. When the doctors came in the next day and saw that I hadn't touched my food, they'd become alarmed and, I figured, then we could negotiate on even terms.


I tried to sleep but damn if my stomach didn't stop growling. I was starving. I went back and forth with myself trying to fight the urge to eat, but, after several hours I was so famished I couldn't stand it no more. I had to eat.


I felt like that guy in Midnight Express who was so hungry that he ate a cockroach to survive. I was so hungry that I could do the same! ER, not eat a cockroach, but to eat rice gruel which was almost as bad (at least in my book!)


I jumped to the door and grabbed the spoon and wolfed down a huge bite of gruel. "Yeech! This stuff is cold!" I thought. But it tasted pretty good! "Dammit! I thought, "Why didn't I eat this when it was hot?"


Within a few seconds I had downed the food. I even licked the plate. I put the plate back at the door and tried to peer through. "Thank you! Anyone! That was delicious! Hello! That was delicious!" There was no one there.

A stomach half full and nothing to do, I fell back asleep. I don't remember how much time passed but I do remember later thinking that there might have been sedatives in the food, but, no! That would be a quite inefficient way to administer drugs. They had me locked up. I wasn't going nowhere. They could come in and give me pills or injections and there'd be nothing I could do about it. Why would they lace the food with drugs?


After a while I had to go to the toilet so I saw the spartan settings for the first time. There was only a wash basin and toilet. As I mentioned, after using the toilet, I had no way to flush it so the room stank even more. I tried to yell for someone to flush the toilet out through the bars in my door, but there was no one to hear my cries. Again, I fell asleep.


The next day, the doctors came back. This time I was determined to shape up so that I could ship out. 


The doctor looked at me and said, "You look better today. How are you doing?"

I sat up as straight as I could and drooled out a weak but recognizable, "Fine, doctor.... Thanks to you!" 

I thought I needed to add a, "Thanks to you" to show that I was coherent enough to know that I needed to show some appreciation to get myself outta that place. I figured I'd do some a*s kissing now and play my aces when the time was right. I was satisfied that I was able to give the answer I had planned. 

The doctor then said to me, "Mike. We are going to take you out of here today and put you in a ward with other patients, But if you get violent, you're coming right back in here, do you understand?" 

"Oh stay my beating heart!" I thought but "Yes, doctor." I answered. "I won't be violent."

"We are sending you to unit D-40 where there are other patients. You'll be able to take a shower, shave and have your own room that you will share with other patients. If there is any trouble at all you will be brought back here. You'll be able to eat in the cafeteria and if you have any questions, the nurses will help you. Okay?"

"Okay. Thanks." I said.

"We will give the order to bring you out of here to the male nurses and they will take you out before lunch time. Please immediately wash and get ready for lunch."

"Yes. Thank you."

The doctors got up and walked out. I was so happy! Freedom! I was going to be free from this wretched place! But I wondered what kind of place D-40 was? Was it like a regular hospital where I could walk in and out as I pleased? Or was it more of a military style place much like the World War II prisoner of war camps that things like the cooler were known to accompany?

I grew a bit anxious. Suddenly D-40, while sounding better than the cooler, struck fear in my heart. What if it were like a prison where the inmates have their own pecking order and boss? What if I were thrown into a place with a bunch of drug addicts and former Yakuza who didn't like foreigners?

Was I about to become the whipping boy and someone's bitch in D-40? Was I going to be waking up every morning with an empty bottle of baby oil knocked over near my head, a sore a*shole and an ashtray on my back? What horrors were awaiting me? 


I had a few hours to find out. 


It was in D-40 and my next experiences that I was to find out that my next ward was not so much like a prison in the movies or like a gestapo prisoner of war camp, but much more like an insane asylum ala the classic film, One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest. Why? Because in Japan, drug addicts and mental patients are co-mingled in the same hospitals and in the same wards.

I didn't know that when I checked in. I was about to go from the frying pan into the fire.

Continued in Part 2: I Was an English Teacher in a Japanese Insane Asylum - Drug Rehab at Asia's Most Famous Hospital - Part 2 (Life in D-40)

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